So I have been here for a month now and every once in awhile I am reminded of how I use to feel in school; frustrated. I was trying to think of another word for it but that one fits. Learning languages or being at school has never been an easy task. I have always had to work twice as hard as everyone else and ignore the headshakes of why I can’t grasp a concept yet. Here in Colombia it is not the concepts that I can’t grasp but the language. Someone can tell me the same word two, three, fifteen times and I still might not get. If they feel shocked at my slow learning curve they should only put themselves in my shoes and imagine how I feel. It has been a long time since I have had these feelings and I knew that I was going to have them but they still feel so raw. I remember being a kid and just wanting to pick up on things like the other kids, that desire to learn and express myself like I can in my head, yet the words never come out as eloquently as I want. My true friends know this about me and embrace it, yet when meeting new people I am never sure of how they will react when I get excited and say the wrong thing or can’t remember the word or get my sentences all mixed up. Usually it is pretty funny, but when learning a language it just seems kind of dumb and when I don’t know how people will react to my blunders I get more tongue tied and even quite. And we all know I am not quite. Okay enough of this pity party. I feel better just getting it off my chest. I know during my time here there will be many moments where I feel exposed and vulnerable and I guess it is good to remember these feelings so I can better relate to my students. I sometimes just wish my girls where here to be by my side and give my big hugs.
Okay, also, putting this is up on the blog is only to get better at sharing my feelings and being more open.
2 comments:
Annie, keep up the hard work. It will pay off. Soon you'll have a puppy to talk to all day long and he won't know a single mistake you make. I'm so proud of you for taking on this new adventure and by the time I come and visit you, you'll be able to take me all over South America. I love you.
Love you lots and these are great entries. So did the old lady go back in line. Do not worry on the spanish, it will come. Get a good spanish romance novel and have some fun with learning ;-) I completely understand your feelings as I had the same ones in China and Italy.
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